Dear Past,

This week’s podcast episode is centered around the PAST. We all have one and these are my thoughts on it. I’m speaking from a personal level about the past an how it affects your life and your relationships. I am 100% sure that I will revisit this topic when I have a co-host on the podcast because I believe that this is a topic that requires multiple points of views. But today, I’m being biased and just going to give my thoughts and opinions. Listen to the new episode here!

I have been wanting to talk about this topic for a while but just like with most of the episodes I do, I wait until the spirit moves me. So the past, memes, movies, thoughts and so many others things have been heavy on me so I figured it was high time to talk about it.

The past in the perspective of a person and who they are and how they are: I have spent many episodes talking about how my childhood made me and many others who we are. I believe that most of that is also choice driven. I made choices to be the opposite of what I saw as a child that was not right to me. I made the choice to break generational curses. I acknowledged what I could remember as a child and decided that I wanted different, so I became different. I could have easily used my childhood as a crutch and allowed it to cripple me. I could blame my failures and areas of lack on my upbringing but my drive, willpower and my spirit knows that I am supposed to be the change I wished I had. A crutch sounds like, “I can’t because…”, a lesson says “I will because…”. I honestly believe that the past should be left in the past and only brought up to testify how far you’ve come.

The past in relationships: In the last 3-4 years, I have had the same conversation with the same person over and over. It seems as though we can’t agree to disagree. I have not been in many committed relationships but the few that I have been in, I was never concerned about their past. I think that you should have a certain level of confidence to be able to not allow someone’s past to affect you. In that beginning stage of getting to know someone, I never liked to ask questions about their past and exes. I learned at an early age that how someone treated someone else, may not be the way they treat you. No two people are the same, therefore, results will always vary. Me finding out how you treated you ex or exes will only taint the person I know now. If as a teenager you were one way and I am meeting you as a 35 year old, why would I believe that you are that same person?

Is it necessary to tell your new partner about your past sexual partners? Like the actual number of people you’ve been with? How many times? The level of freakiness? I don’t believe it is necessary. I have met people who had 1 sexual partner before me and met people who had many before me. Am I entitled to know how many and how many times? I don’t believe so. I have made the mistake twice of telling men about my past partners and both times I wished I would have kept my mouth shut. I like to call myself an open book when meeting people. I am not ashamed of my past nor do I have any regrets so I have no problems telling my side of stories from my past. I believe that some men just can’t handle a woman who is open and make no excuses about her past and owning her decisions. We as women are allowed to have sex with other people before you come along. I digress. In short, don’t ask about someone’s past if you are going to park there. They don’t live there and if you have trouble moving on from THEIR past, you should just move on from THEIR life. SN: Your past is not limited to just your sex life.

Now, hear me and hear me clearly. The past is necessary because it has made you who you are. You should not be defined by your past but motivated by it. The past can also be subjective but I think that you have to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. What do you deem necessary to reveal? If you were once a serial killer, rapist, drug addict, in jail, a pedophile, the opposite sex, have a deadly disease, etc. those are things that I believe are necessary to share. Those aren’t the only things, just a few examples of the severity of what you should disclose to someone. We have all sinned and we all fall short daily but we can also be redeemed. We should not be anchored to our past because we can’t change what has already happened. We can only acknowledge the past, make better choices, do better and be different. Let the past fuel your future. You are worthy of a second chance.