I have always been a supporter in any way that I could be. I’ve never really had much going on that required others to support me. I don’t like asking for much due to the possibility of disappointment, so I prefer to do things quietly, alone and without much fanfare.
I said that to say, thank you. Thank you to everyone who has, who is and who will support me and my podcast and any other endeavors that I pursue and accomplish.
The feed back from you all has a sista all in her feelings. The text messages and DM compliments are unbelievable. I am humbled and grateful. Even when I don’t post about it, y’all are tuning in and enjoying it.
Starting the podcast was something that I had been wanting to do for a long time. I always thought about not having the right equipment or quality equipment. I had to put worry to the side and Just Do It. The maybes and hesitations were holding me back. I always have great conversations in my opinion but to be able to share those conversations with the world, gave me much excitement.
Thank you to my friends for just going with it and not really knowing what it was and thank you to those who reached out to be a part of it. Starting a blog was a gateway to me opening up. Starting the podcast busted the gateway wide open. I’m going to embrace “Doing it afraid” -Paris Hatcher. I love us for real.
October 8, 2018 @ 11:20a
Dating at/after 30 part 2…
Dating at or after thirty, has to be in the top 5 of the most common conversations about dating. Thirty years old is a milestone or a mile marker. Usually at 30, you’re passed the games and reckless things done in your twenties. You don’t drink as hard or as much. Not many late nights. You are focused on the future and planning for the rest of your life. Thirty is usually the time that adulting is really real. You’ve learned what friends are and who yours really are. Learned the ways of the world in the aspect of bills, jobs, heartbreak, needs and wants. By this point you’re in a middle aged transition and the temporal things are minuscule. Long term and meaningful things are encouraged and cherished.
I said all of that to say, at thirty, most people are looking to settle down and do the adulting thing with a partner. Some people were blessed to find their lifelong partner in their teens and twenties but for those who hadn’t, there is less tolerance for hookups. We’ve experienced what we don’t want and know what we do want. We know what we are in need of and what we will or won’t tolerate. We’re comfortable with who we are and not in the market for auditioning for a position. It’s really a stage of “Are we doing this or not?” I could go on and on but I think that you get the point.
Some thirty somethings are dating ferociously and some are dating occasionally. While no one wants to be alone forever, some thirty somethings are content and comfortable until their forever emerges.
So where does the hard part come in at? I’m glad that you asked. For some women, we’ve experienced older men, younger men and some our age as well. With the younger men, they haven’t reached the maturity level that we are content with. There is seemingly a lot of teaching or guidance that seems to be necessary. The older men are pretty settled and comfortable with their lives and not interested in changing much of their lifestyle because they have dated, married and gotten divorced. While there is less teaching or guidance being given, they tend to be too confident in what they’ve experience to accept new and different. At last, the men our age, they are either in transition (that is one that you would expect of an 18 year old) or they haven’t fully reached the level of being confident in who they are and what they bring to the table (and dating because of potential is not up for discussion). Or lastly, they’re married to their sweetheart from high school. Lol.
This post is solely my opinion from situations that I’ve witnessed. I’m not categorizing all older men, younger men and thirty somethings. I know that we all grow, mature and learn at different levels so we don’t all reach the same point at the same time. I hope that you enjoyed and got a chuckle. Feel free to chime in if you agree or believe otherwise.
July 1, 2018 @ 7:34p
Dating in 2017 part 1…
Disclaimer: This was written in November 2017 but I never finished it.
It’s 2017, and traditional dating is pretty much a foreign thing in my opinion. There used to be a time where you met a person, exchanged numbers, they called, y’all talked all night and set up a date/day to go out to eat or to the movies to get to know one another. Nowadays, in a nutshell, it starts with a DM, then numbers are exchanged only to send text messages. The first meeting comes that night or days later and it’s at your house or their house to watch a movie, i.e. Netflix and Chill aka let’s have sex.
Now that phone numbers have been exchanged, it’s time for the follow up. Let’s just say that you agree and go with the flow about every thing I just mentioned. The exchanging numbers, exchanging a series of “Wyd?” “When am I going to see you?” “Are you coming by me after you get done?” messages. You even went to his house or he came to yours, what happens when you open the door or he opens the door for you? Do you greet each other by your social media handles? Tell the other how good they looked in their last Instagram post?
Let’s say that you don’t get past the DM or text messages. You are the person who likes in-person interaction so you can’t get with the DM’s or you give the DM’s a chance only to end up in a textlationship. Everything is done through text. Interview through text(getting to know one another), setting up the date, etc. Are you considered to be too much or difficult if you ask for a phone call or require someone to make an effort.
Let’s rule out all together that it’s a social media hook up. Let’s just dive right into DATING IN YOUR 30’s. *Cues dramatic horror movie music*…
…to be continued.
Posted: June 16, 2018
As a manager, there has to be a level of confidence and humility that must be present. I am not going to make this post long and drawn out, but I will give my opinion on leadership. I believe that it takes a special person to be a manager and whether you earned the position or you were forced into it, it should be more than just a title.
Besides being confident and humble, awareness should also be present. By awareness, I mean, knowing your employees and your customers. For example, knowing your employees strengths and weaknesses. Don’t place an employee who excels at cooking, at the register and vice versa. While cross training is a positive and a skill developing task, you never want to have employees in situations that would cause them to be turned off from the job. Place them in the position where they excel, allow them to get confident in that area then they will be more accepting of moving to another area to add to their list of abilities. Now I know that this method takes time but isn’t it better to have great employees rather than disgruntled employees?
As for knowing your customer base, take the recent Starbucks situation for example. There were two men waiting for someone in Starbucks and while waiting the manager called the police on them and they were arrested. The video that went viral shows the men being calm and cooperating. I can’t say what happened before the cameras started rolling and what type of crowd that particular Starbucks has but just from observations, I’ve never seen a “thug” in Starbucks. Most people that go to Starbucks are going there for a purpose, like meetings, homework, business or just a break. Knowing your customer base would have been a great thing to have resorted to in that situation.
Long story short, multiple skills are necessary as a manager. If you don’t possess those skills and you are offered the position as a manager, at least mentally place yourself in the mind frame of the customer or yourself when you were an employee and think what would you expect in that situation then proceed forward.
Being a servant.
I love helping people so being a servant comes natural to me. I help in any way that I can by donating my time, talents and treasures. Knowledge that I get, I share. Sitting on the phone for hours listening to someone vent or just talk, yep! Couples counselling, I’ve been the mediator. Someone needs a wig made or their hair done, yep, I do it too. Taking photos or video at an event, that’s me. Making invitations, flyers, photobooks, etc. Sewing or altering clothes, me too. Working at a friend’s event, I’m there. Need an assistant or shopping partner to help you shop on a budget? I’ve done it.
I could go on and on but the point is, if I have the time, means and ability to do something for someone, I’ll do it, at no charge. Yes, for free. People have tried to pay me and for the most part if I can prevent it, I don’t take the money. While I know that my time is precious and I could charge based on time and not expertise, I’d rather not. I said all of that to say, it’s a blessing to humble yourself and lend a hand to someone else, especially when they are in need and it won’t hurt you to help. My actions as a servant is my version of washing feet as mentioned in the bible.
John 13:14-17 “If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have given you an example, that you should do as I have done to you. Most assuredly, I say to you, a servant is not greater than his master; nor is he who is sent greater than he who sent him. If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them.“
Galatians 5:13 “For you, brethren, have been called to liberty; only do not use liberty as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.”
Posted on 3/30/2018
The irony of standards
Definition of standard
- a level of quality or attainment.
- an idea or thing used as a measure, norm, or model in comparative evaluations.
When it comes to dating, we all have standards, whether high or low. High standards to the point that they are almost unattainable and standards so low that they are almost non-existent. I had a conversation one day about standards with a member of the opposite sex and a question came to mind that hit me like a ton of bricks. What if you aren’t someone’s standard or you don’t meet their standards?
Now I know that we are not always someone’s cup of tea, but for me, I think very highly of myself. I’m God fearing, intelligent, humorous, mature, charismatic, a people’s person and beautiful inside and out, among so many other things. I consider myself a rare breed and top tier as it relates to what a man would want in a woman. So, the question, ‘what if you meet someone and as highly as you think of yourself, you are not their standard?” comes to mind. Like, what if they think that there is someone out there better than you? How Sway? Lol, but it really made me think.
Now, granted in relationships, we should find a mate that encourages and/or motivates us to be and do better but you never really think that of all of the qualities that you possess, they may not be up to par for someone. The irony!
Written on 12/25/17
Posted 3/16/18 @10:30pm
New year, new mindset
How I altered my thinking and altered my life. At the beginning of the year I fasted for 21 days. I gave up sweets and social media. In this time, I realized so much. Getting rid of the sweets made me realize that some of the things that we indulge in, are wants, not needs. Getting rid of the social media made me realize that I spent a lot of time watching others lives instead of going out and getting mine. I did so much self evaluating that so much around me started to change. I became obsessed with researching, learning, earning, gaining and moving forward. All of this started with a few simple steps.
1. Vision(a thought, idea, dream or desire), figure out what you want and need for your life to make you happy and write it down, create a board, etc.
2. Be still(pray, meditate), focus on the vision. Put yourself in the mental space that prepares you for the change that is coming.
3. Plan(write down short/long term goals and the steps to execute them), anything associated with getting to the vision, write it down. Plot, strategize, organize, etc.
4. Be still(pray) be quiet, focus on the multiple ways to place yourself in position to get to the vision. Who you need to align yourself with, videos you watch to motivate you, places you need to be, etc.
5. Commit(make a promise), now that you know what you want to do and how you plan on doing it, make a commitment to get to the vision.
6. Be quiet, focus(surround yourself with all things related to the vision & plan)
7. Delete(remove distractions, negativity) whether it be people, apps/items that take up your time and that are not related to or beneficial to the vision.
8. Start small(make attainable small goals that lead to the bigger goals). Don’t despise meager beginnings. Any small victory is still a victory.
As you may have noticed, there is a pattern, repetition or consistency. The sole purpose is to create a habit. By this time, your mind has been renewed and you are experiencing tunnel vision. You’re going to immerse yourself in the vision. Happy goal digging.
There is a reason why people always say that consistency is key. There’s a reason why vision boards are supposed to be visible. You need to consistently see those things that you have a desire for. We are what we speak. There is a quote that says, “If you think you can do a thing or think you can’t do a thing, you’re right.” – Henry Ford. Doing something once can have a great impact. Doing something multiple times can have an even greater impact. You could end up being a master of that thing.
There was a CD that I would listen to all of the time and it wasn’t until I was in a place or mindframe that I needed to be in to hear a song and realize the dept of the lyrics. If i would have only listened to it once, I would have probably never paid attention to the lyrics that essentially helped me when I needed to hear it. I watched an interview recently and the lady spoke about how she went to the same seminar over 40 times. Said that she wanted to be able to finish their sentences. She attended it over 20 times before she started teaching the same seminar that she had been learning. We have to be willing to listen and learn and to be taught before we can be teachers. You have to be consistent.
Whether you believe in God and writing it down, making it plain, speaking it into existence, praying for something and believing God for something or if you believe in putting it in the universe or the law of attraction. It all has to do with being consistent and repetition. Keep praying that prayer. Keep believing for that thing. Keep thinking about it or talking about it. Consistency will manifest that thing. Repetition will cause that thing to be a habit, a way of life.
Temptation and distractions…
It’s the beginning of a new year, which usually marks the start of new things for some people. Starting something at the beginning of the new year, I believe, makes it easier to track your progress or procrastination.
This year, like years in the past, some churches tend to fast as a collective. Fasting is the voluntary abstinence from particular aspects of life in order to seek a deeper relationship with God. This year I chose to fast sweets and social media sites that tend to occupy a lot of my time. For 21 days I decided to not log on to Instagram or Facebook and for 14 days I decided to not eat sweets. The idea for my fasting choices, were to choose things that would be challenging, difficult or a sacrifice for ME.
The sweets would be the hardest because it’s my weakness. Social media, I thought would be challenging because I usually find out interesting things that I wouldn’t find out about from watching the news. It’s also the fastest way to get news, whether real or
fake news. It has been surprisingly easy to not want to get on the app out of habit or boredom. During the first couple of days I clicked on the Instagram app twice out of habit. Luckily I signed out of the app so I was able to remember quickly about the fast.
This brings me to the point of this post. I logged out of Facebook and Instagram, since I visit those sites the most. One day as I picked up my phone to listen to some gospel music, there was a notification from Instagram. It said that I had several notifications and to log in to view them. I thought that signing out of the app, would rid me of notifications. I instantly said to myself that this is nothing but temtpation and distraction to get my focus off track and lose sight of the vision.
Here I am trying to focus and stay away from something that occupies my time and it is calling my name like a kid in the toy or candy store. Now, I didn’t feel tempted to log into the app because I don’t post much and my page isn’t private so it could only be a new follower or someone liking a picture from weeks ago. It could also be my soon to be husband sliding into my DM’s or some famous person trying to give me a million dollars. I’m putting my money on it being something that could wait the 21 days until my fast was over. What if I had been addicted to IG? That would have been the trigger to make me fall off the wagon.
That wasn’t the only attempt at temptation trying me. The real test came when I went to Wal-Mart to get my favorite cupcakes for my niece’s birthday. I get to the register and what is normally $3.00, rang up for $0.70. 12 cupcakes for 70 cents???? How Sway?! I love being frugual and getting the best for my buck so you know I was tempted to buy $3.00 worth of 70 cent cupcakes. It was then that I realized the length that temptation and distractions will go through, to get you off track. Regardless of how seemingly sweet, bright and tempting that thing is, you have to remain strong and focused on the Vision! Don’t lose sight of the bigger picture. The distractions are a test and you must pass.
These are only two of the times that I have been tried but there are a few more examples that I won’t go into because I think that you get the point. Temptation can seem so appealing and necessary(ex. You need this.), Issa trap. Choose whatever cliche you would like, “Forbidden fruit is always the sweetest” “Keep your eyes on the prize” “Stay the course, don’t stray the course” but the vision is the focus.
-James 1(This whole passage but verse 12 to assist my point), “Blessed is the man that endureth temptation: for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life, which the Lord hath promised to them that love Him.”
-Proverbs 29:18, “Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he.”
Throw it away! End it! Delete it! Ignore it! Walk away! Cut it up! By any means necessary. Tunnel vision to get to the Vision.
January 22, 2018 @ 1:08p