This week’s podcast episode is centered around the PAST. We all have one and these are my thoughts on it. I’m speaking from a personal level about the past an how it affects your life and your relationships. I am 100% sure that I will revisit this topic when I have a co-host on the podcast because I believe that this is a topic that requires multiple points of views. But today, I’m being biased and just going to give my thoughts and opinions. Listen to the new episode here!
I have been wanting to talk about this topic for a while but just like with most of the episodes I do, I wait until the spirit moves me. So the past, memes, movies, thoughts and so many others things have been heavy on me so I figured it was high time to talk about it.
The past in the perspective of a person and who they are and how they are: I have spent many episodes talking about how my childhood made me and many others who we are. I believe that most of that is also choice driven. I made choices to be the opposite of what I saw as a child that was not right to me. I made the choice to break generational curses. I acknowledged what I could remember as a child and decided that I wanted different, so I became different. I could have easily used my childhood as a crutch and allowed it to cripple me. I could blame my failures and areas of lack on my upbringing but my drive, willpower and my spirit knows that I am supposed to be the change I wished I had. A crutch sounds like, “I can’t because…”, a lesson says “I will because…”. I honestly believe that the past should be left in the past and only brought up to testify how far you’ve come.
The past in relationships: In the last 3-4 years, I have had the same conversation with the same person over and over. It seems as though we can’t agree to disagree. I have not been in many committed relationships but the few that I have been in, I was never concerned about their past. I think that you should have a certain level of confidence to be able to not allow someone’s past to affect you. In that beginning stage of getting to know someone, I never liked to ask questions about their past and exes. I learned at an early age that how someone treated someone else, may not be the way they treat you. No two people are the same, therefore, results will always vary. Me finding out how you treated you ex or exes will only taint the person I know now. If as a teenager you were one way and I am meeting you as a 35 year old, why would I believe that you are that same person?
Is it necessary to tell your new partner about your past sexual partners? Like the actual number of people you’ve been with? How many times? The level of freakiness? I don’t believe it is necessary. I have met people who had 1 sexual partner before me and met people who had many before me. Am I entitled to know how many and how many times? I don’t believe so. I have made the mistake twice of telling men about my past partners and both times I wished I would have kept my mouth shut. I like to call myself an open book when meeting people. I am not ashamed of my past nor do I have any regrets so I have no problems telling my side of stories from my past. I believe that some men just can’t handle a woman who is open and make no excuses about her past and owning her decisions. We as women are allowed to have sex with other people before you come along. I digress. In short, don’t ask about someone’s past if you are going to park there. They don’t live there and if you have trouble moving on from THEIR past, you should just move on from THEIR life. SN: Your past is not limited to just your sex life.
Now, hear me and hear me clearly. The past is necessary because it has made you who you are. You should not be defined by your past but motivated by it. The past can also be subjective but I think that you have to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. What do you deem necessary to reveal? If you were once a serial killer, rapist, drug addict, in jail, a pedophile, the opposite sex, have a deadly disease, etc. those are things that I believe are necessary to share. Those aren’t the only things, just a few examples of the severity of what you should disclose to someone. We have all sinned and we all fall short daily but we can also be redeemed. We should not be anchored to our past because we can’t change what has already happened. We can only acknowledge the past, make better choices, do better and be different. Let the past fuel your future. You are worthy of a second chance.
Once again Sincerely Angie, an excellent article and podcast. Definitely a topic that requires multiple views to be considered. As with all your platforms we await the follow up!
This topic has so many avenues that exist and could be impossible to cover due to the many number of variables that need and should be considered. It is also a topic that we must be cautious with when we consider the views of those who would participate
The easiest route to take is “Men or Women” can’t handle something revealed. We, men and women, are better than that. Tough conversations don’t have to be avoided.
My question, would be what has been said that you(in general)seemingly disagree with? Whatever the response is, it will not change what has occurred. While it is someone else’s past, we must realize the topic of past like any other topic discussed will have responses to them no matter whose involved.
If we are going to take all persons involved in the discussion seriously, the question that should be asked is can the receiver handle what has been revealed and can the sender handle someone responding to what has been revealed.
One side of the discussion should NEVER be the only thing considered in these types of discussions. When this occurs, you get the infamous comment “Men or Women” can’t handle this topic.
I am sure we all have had someone who we have had this discussion with. When I think of this topic, someone who I have had several conversations with over the last several years that has similar views as you Sincerely Angie comes to mind.
I am always perplexed when they share, there are many variables that are conveniently withheld which makes the conversation incomplete or what I like to call “False Painted Pictures”.
Needless to say there are many factors that go into a successful relationship. Just so happens like a good tasting pie, there are several ingredients needed to make it what it should be. Anything left out will not give the pie the full flavor. Relationships are like this process.
We have to determine if the person we are sharing information with has all the qualities we are looking for. If so then proceed. If not then press pause.
I agree with you if it is determined someone is parked there and can’t proceed then maybe lives shouldn’t be shared.
We should learn and grow from past experiences. Past experiences shouldn’t define us on what we all hope for, which is a progressive future during this journey we call life. As humanely possible let’s learn with the intent to grow from our past and not repeatedly display behaviors that gives the impression that although it’s our past we are behaving as though our past is our present.
Thank you for listening and commenting. This is a massive response and it seems like you have a lot to say. You should probably be on the part 2 whenever I revisit the topic. You point out very specific points so I am going to assume that this topic hits close to home. Hopefully you will let the listeners in on your thoughts.
This topic like (money, religion, and politics) usually has many dynamics to it that should be considered. Anything less than that creates an environment where one could be biased due to their own experiences or misconstrue someone else’s responses.
I have no doubt we, men and women, can have conversations which takes in account all parties points of view. We must not limit ourselves to only our points of view if we plan to have productive communication. We can respectfully agree or be on opposing ends and when we are it doesn’t have to be classified as “not being able to handle it”
You commented that the response is massive, topics such as your title and the ones I mentioned above rarely produce narrow responses. It’s not so much that it hits close to home for me as much as it is the opportunity to have productive conversation about a topic that we make more complicated than it has to be.
I know most times we “circle the wagons” if you will to guard our points of view and it shouldn’t be that way. We all at some point have looked at things through different lenses. If we listen with the intent to consider another person’s point of view without dismissing our own views, we can still have good communication about what seems to be tough topics
It’s like your passion for budgeting. Many could say the way you go about it leaves out some things to consider. Because I have listened to your podcast on the topic before and believed the results you have received I would respond with, nothing has been left out to me. Are there other ways to accomplish successful budgeting, I am sure there is however I think what Sincerely Angie has taught is just as important and should strongly be considered.
Men and women can handle any topic that is discussed respectfully. We don’t have to table a topic just because we feel the person can’t handle it. That’s an easy way out. I know your audience consist of people who are up to the challenge and will excel in that challenge.
Thanks again for a solid podcast and we patiently wait for you to produce more jewels and nuggets
I mentioned that it was massive because it was a lot to read and not something that could be easily commented on each thing you brought up. That’s why I offered you a voice on the podcast. Thoughts/intents can be misunderstood through messages. Verbal is better. Thanks again for commenting and listening.