just my thoughts

Who Are You?

Sincerely AngieLeave a comment

Currently, I am in a season of learning so much about who I am, even though I’ve always been confident and sure of who I was, outside of knowing my purpose. But as of late, I am finding out things that are rooted. I won’t share it all just yet because I still value privacy but I will try to bring it all home to make the title of this post make sense.

There are a few questions I have always had problems with people asking. Whether they were too invasive or just irrelevant to the person asking or the situation at hand. The whole time, all I’m thinking to myself is, once I answer it, what are you doing with the information? Are we getting married, are you hiring me, does this determine if we’re friends or not, are you helping me achieve anything? Is this question a space filler, or rhetorical?

The easiest and most common question came from young men to women. “Who do you stay with?” Now, I am far from dumb and I know there are multiple reasons for a guy to want to know the answer to this question, but at this “big ole age”, why is that the way the question is framed? Moving on because I can go off topic with that one. Second question, “What’s your five/ten year plan?” This question sends me because, TO ME, it’s such a personal question. If I’m just meeting you, why should I or why would I share that with a stranger? Again, I understand what the person may be getting at but TO ME, I’m sure there’s a less invasive way to ask a person their future plans or goals. Because honestly, if you just sit back and listen, people will eventually tell you exactly who they are!

Lastly, a question that I am always perplexed by is when someone asks “Who are you?” I’ve heard people answer “I’m a mother or I’m a real estate agent”, and the person asking the question responds, “No, not what you do. Who are YOU?”. I’ve answered “I’m a child of God, or a lover of life, or a student of life” just to name a few. And still, that answer wasn’t what they were looking for. My thought, to the asker of the question is, it seems that no response given suffices. I absolutely 1000% understand that they want the person to dig deeper and know that they aren’t just “a mother, or a doctor, or a helper”.

I wonder what gauge is being used to determine what answer suffices? At the core of this question, it seems that we are supposed to narrow ourselves down to just one characteristic, trait, title, quality, ability, etc. As humans, we are so much more than one thing. We don’t have to be either or, we can be both and. And since most of us are always learning and growing, it can’t just be a single answer to who are you. It must be, “who are you in THIS moment?”. This blog, my podcast, my YouTube channel, etc. are all proof that I am and cannot be narrowed down to just one thing. It’s literally a gumbo pot over here baby!

Over the last few months that I’ve been finding out more about myself, I’ve had to check myself. My father hadn’t been around since I was 4 or 5 years old. So growing up, that side of me didn’t exist and I was fine with not knowing. Yes, I may have been curious over the years but I had no luck finding the answers. It wasn’t until God saw fit and now, finding that side of myself has garnered so many revelations. I’m learning the balances of the two DNA’s that merged together to make me and why some things never made sense on one side of me. Reality check! I’m so much more than whoever I thought I was before. I have added knowledge that has ignited a power within me that overwhelms me with so much joy! Because knowledge is power!

Sincerely,

Angie

God is Guiding

Sincerely Angie2 Comments

I was listening to an IG video and the woman in the video said “God is Godding” but the auto-generated caption read “God is Guiding”. And immediately, I started to draft this post. I have no bullet points or talking points. I’m just writing. Because as soon as I saw it, that familiar feeling hit me. It’s the same feeling I get when I find a title/topic for a podcast episode. It’s placed on my spirit. Thank You God. There You are at work again.

He’s at work because my theme this year is to lead with God. Let God lead and let Him order my steps. When you trust God, he gives you, what I call, “breadcrumbs” to lead you in the right direction. The obedience to follow and listen to Him, comes with spending time with God and strengthening your relationship with Him. You learn His voice and the way that He speaks to YOU. He is a guiding light.

Psalm 119:105 “Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.”

I was very young when I learned the meaning of my name and it was not by coincidence. It’s all a part of His plan. “Angela means heavenly messenger.” So for a long time, I’ve been cautious and careful with what I say and how I represent myself and God. I pray before many situations for Him to bridle my tongue. But don’t get it twisted, I have not been perfect. I have said some things, thought some things and sinned, a lot! While I may not have always looked the part, in the eyes of people, thankfully, God knows my heart.

With that being said, I pray that everything I say, be God led, God fed and God said through me. I don’t know who this post was for, and I hope something I said resonates with someone. Even if it doesn’t right away, I was obedient because God still works on His timing and whomever, will see this whenever they’re supposed to. Letting God guide you means doing things and not knowing the reason. Just be the vehicle and enjoy the ride!

Sincerely,

Angie

The Last Straw

Sincerely AngieLeave a comment

If you read my last post, I briefly spoke of the last straw. Well, considering Tyler Perry’s latest movie Straw, I figured I’d go ahead on and drop a few lines on Straw and the double entendre of it all.

For the movie Straw, I get it. Women, specifically Black Women are tired and at their breaking point and the next incident to happen, could be the very last straw. The straw that breaks the camel’s back. To summarize in a few sentences or a few breaths, A single mother loses her child, her mind, her car, her job, her apartment, and essentially her freedom, all in the course of 24 hours. And because it was so much happening, all of it was probably not to the extent she imagined in her head. Because at some point, she was merely just existing and not present mentally.

While I pray to never be able to relate to this black woman trope, I know that when it rains it pours. And I don’t know anyone personally or even heard of any one person going through that much trauma in 24 hours. Over the course of a month or year, maybe even a few weeks but never 24 hours. Regardless of the time frame, I understand that life happens and not everyone is built like Job from the Bible. I haven’t experienced the level of trauma that Janiyah(Taraji P. Henson) or many other women have experienced. I also have a different outlook or perspective on life and life lessons.

Most things we encounter are happenstance while others are a direct consequence of our previous actions or seeds we’ve sown. Insert cliche here, “what goes around, comes around” “you reap what you sow” etc. So most times, if something happens, I imagine it’s happening for a reason. I believe that there is a lesson that will come out of the situation. I refuse to be a victim or have a “why me?” attitude. Maybe it’s my faith or maybe it’s my self proclaimed avoidant personality but either way, life is supposed to life. It is inevitable to go through life without some type of hardship. It’s all in how we handle what life throws us.

I am highly aware that everyone’s chemical makeup is different and our balances and imbalances cause us to react to negative things or trauma differently. I don’t expect people to respond how I respond. I accept life’s curveballs and handle them with grace. It’s no one’s fault, it’s no one’s responsibility, it’s mine. Don’t get it twisted, my mind is orchestrating a million scenarios but crashing out, is not an option. This is no shade to the person who does crash out. Our mental bars and/or limits differ per person.

The last straw for me, is just that, the last straw. Now it’s time to make a move, cut ties, sever the relationship, quit the job, move, etc. But what I refuse to do is take out my frustrations on innocent people. I’m not knocking anyone who has done that, I just pray that we all learn to give it to God and trust Him. Honestly, no one wants the last straw. The last straw was the one that broke the camels back. It was one straw too many. I encourage you to remember that God WILL NOT put more on you than you can bear. Seek Him and trust Him. If a lot is happening to you, just know a breakthrough is closer than you may realize. You are stronger than you know and you got this! Someone before you survived worse and maybe, just maybe, you surviving this will be a benefit and blessing to someone else.

Sincerely,

Angie