_{Originally written May 6, 2024 @ 6:30a}

Confidence is the first word that comes to mind. Secure is the second. I have seen confidence in people when it comes to many areas such as being secure in themselves, their job position, faith, finances, relationships and their purpose. Even to whomever is reading this, you can most likely point to an area in your life where you are 100% confident in your ability to be or do something like being the head of the household, being a leader or providing a great service or product, etc.

While en route to work one morning, I was listening to a podcast and the speaker, Megan Ashley, was talking and I said to myself, she seemingly has always been secure in her faith. That lead me to this post. The way my brain works is to hear something and wander from there. Not just for a few minutes, but until I come to a comfortable place of knowing. I hear something, do self reflecting or a self evaluation and then a solution is the end goal. I liken this to being teachable moments of growth. This means I am always changing or evolving my thought process and areas that may need work.

Being this way or doing this doesn’t mean that people never know which version of me they will get, it just means that when you are provided with new information, you can adjust your old mindset. Recently, I ran into one of my first boyfriends. It had been a while since I’d seen him and he was saying that he knows me and how I am. I had to correct him because I haven’t seen him in years and haven’t had a true conversation with him in decades. So I mentioned that he knows of me but he doesn’t know 40 year old me. He went on to say that this area of me, he knew hadn’t changed.

To hopefully make this long blog short-ish, there are a few things that I know for sure and have known for a while. My confidence in certain areas, is solid. Growing up, I was the youngest of 6 and there was a two year gap between me and my older sister and up to a 17 year gap between myself and the oldest sibling. This means that for me, I was always off to myself doing my own thing. This cultivated independence in me and caused me to be the kid to wonder about a lot and find things out then let my mind wander until I kind of understood them. I saw things and knew based on what I believe to be common sense, what was right versus wrong. I focused on doing what I deemed to be right.

When I was given money as a child, I saved it because I saw people around me ask for money and saw the response they got from the person they were asking. I saw my single mother and I also saw my neighbor, a married couple. I remembered how things were when my sperm donor lived in the house with us, though short lived. I knew that a two parent household was ideal and I hoped and held out for that to be my story. My mom always recited Psalm 23, “The Lord is my shepherd…” but we never went to church, except for funerals. My mind tells me, how can you get to know this shepherd that you are reading about, go to church. So at 17, solo, I started going to church.

Almost every decision I’ve ever made, was made confidently because I had pondered on it and weighed my options. I am confident in my ability to make decisions. I trust my decision making skills and my risk versus reward percentage. I am confident in who I am because I’ve spent so much time with myself. I’ve learned what brings me peace, joy, happiness, my triggers, my boundaries, my tolerance levels and I’ve learned my body. Spending time alone isn’t the only reason why I am confident in me and the many areas of my life, I learned a lot from my encounters with others.

My earliest remembrance of a life lesson that changed my life was when I was in middle school I believe. My sister talked about the amount of hair I had on my arms, legs and back and that I needed to shave it. I listened because she’s older and I believed that she knew what she was talking about. Well, she didn’t mention that once you shave, the hair is going to grow back fast and thicker and that I would have to keep shaving and also that it can be itchy. Shaving was short-lived because I actually never had a problem with the hair. I let someone else’s opinion on something that belonged to me, affect me but it looked better to them. I learned from that moment forward to never change anything about me that I don’t have issues with. This is why I don’t seek validation from outside sources and I sit with myself and God before making decisions.

If you’ve made it this far, the point of this post, is to encourage you, the reader, to spend time with yourself, learn yourself, listen to yourself and trust yourself. Learn from others mistakes, learn from your own mistakes, and make the necessary changes to be the best version of you that you can be and do so confidently! You should be an expert at being you. You are with yourself more than anyone else.

Sincerely,

Angie