This will possibly be another post that could be labeled as a rant but again, I have questions. If you saw my last blog post, then you know that I have been tuning in to a dating show on social media by Kendra G. Each time I tune in and the guests are asked the question “Why didn’t you require marriage from that person but you are requiring it now?” I cringe because, are people not allowed to change and/or change their minds? Now I will be the first to raise my hand and state proudly that yes, I have held some people’s past against them. I know it’s not right and sometimes I have looked past what I know someone is historically known for, to give them the benefit of the doubt. They have also proven me right by doing the exact thing that they are known for doing even though the opportunity for them to respond differently was there.
Life teaches us daily maybe even hourly what we like or dislike. We are ever changing and ever evolving people. Even our taste buds change. One day you can love a specific food and then wake up one day and the thought of it makes you sick. Vice versa would be you wake up one day and suddenly want onions on everything and you never liked onions like that before. True story, it happened to me. You can say at 21 that you never want to get married or have kids then meet someone at 25 and decide that you now want 10 kids and a massive wedding. Change is inevitable, solicited, unsolicited, voluntary and involuntary. Most times, life and experiences force us to change.
I’ve had a million conversations about my past and what I did between the ages of 19-29. Things that I wouldn’t even do or accept now. Even things that I did at 30 or even a month ago, I wouldn’t dare do today. I am allowed to say that those things or actions no longer suit me. I am allowed to break a habit and create new ones. The same should be granted to others. If I can change, someone else can also. If I didn’t require honesty or respect from someone in my twenties, does that now mean that in my thirties, I can’t decide that I now want those things from anyone I come in contact with?
As I watch the show by Kendra G on IG, YouTube and Facebook, when she asks that question and people hesitate, they seemingly don’t know how to respond or they’re scared to give their answer. In my mind, I just want to scream and say, because you are allowed to grow, learn yourself and set boundaries and standards. Even on IG, I saw a post about a woman who didn’t require things in her past, that she is now requiring moving forward. The comments were ruthless. It was in reference to things that she once did for people who were not her boyfriend or husband. She now wants a husband but she vowed to not do any of the things she once did because those people didn’t deserve it. The majority of the comments bashed the person for changing up her norm. The other folks commended her and understood her position.
I think that entitlement and audacity is running rampant or maybe it’s on sale. Firstly, who are we to meet someone, ask them about their past and/or find out what they have done in their past and feel entitled enough to believe that because it was done before, it should be afforded to us? Secondly, the same things that we have the audacity to want, ask for or require, are we willing to give? Thirdly, we are allowed to have requirements and standards and we are allowed to make those standards and requirements known to give potential partners the option to say if they can or will meet said standards and requirements. I don’t believe that our requirements should be based on what someone has done before just because we know that they have the capability to do that thing. We don’t know if or how someone was mentally affected by a previous act.
I guess in closing, all I am really asking is, if we can all just live and let live? I can have and set boundaries at any moment I see fit because it’s my right. You can have standards and requirements because that’s your right. I just ask that we look in the mirror and look at the person we are interested in and ask ourselves if we can and are we willing to give what we require? Sounds good?
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